


Death in Winter

by Rikerbabe



Series: Changes [1]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Death, Grief/Mourning, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:19:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6548542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikerbabe/pseuds/Rikerbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William Riker falls victim to the same disease that killed his mother over thirty years ago. Beverly, Jean-Luc and Deanna struggle to understand what is happening to him and tries to work through the prospect of losing him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miloowen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miloowen/gifts), [Aussiefan70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aussiefan70/gifts).



> Had a sudden thought about what if William contracted the same thing that killed his mother and what Beverly, Jean-Luc and Deanna would do. Comments and or suggestions are welcomed......

William had a cough that wouldn't go away. Beverly had run the usual tests, but they came back negative. After about two weeks of this, Will was getting annoyed. It kept him up at night, and would wake Deanna up. Jean-Luc had noticed that he wasn't his usual cheery self, and during staff meetings the cough was a bit annoying. Beverly was also getting concerned, since nothing she had been giving him was helping. After about two days, Picard spoke to Beverly and tried to find out what was going on. 

“Commander Riker is not getting any better, and I'm stumped.” Beverly sat on the couch in Picard's ready room. “All of the tests are coming back negative and it's frustrating me to no end. I have the entire medical database at my disposal and have ran all the standard tests and some I've thought up, but that's just not helping. I feel like I'm back in the dark ages.”

Jean-Luc nodded and sat at his desk, leaning forward slightly. The concern on his face matched Beverly's as he thought about his First Officer who was also his closest friend on the Enterprise. He thought about the last few away teams that Will lead, and what he might have come in contact with. None of those planets had the advanced medical techniques nor were they adequately trained. Disease on a few of them were rampant, and there wasn't anything in the database on them. This would pose a serious problem in any future contact with the rest of the Federation. Will was the best in the fleet and several other ship captains had contacted him about transferring off the Enterprise to theirs. But he had declined, preferring to stay where he was.

Beverly shook her head and sighed, worry still evident on her face. “He's starting to run a low-grade fever, and is also losing what appetite he had to begin with. I may need to confine him to Sickbay for a few days. Try to run some tests that I haven't run already.” Picard nodded, and a thought struck him. “Didn't his mother exhibit something like this after an away team mission? Perhaps you could start there....” Beverly nodded, her mind already ticking off what steps needed to be done. “I'll contact Starfleet Medical...they may still have her files. At least that's a start. But...” she trailed off, glancing at Picard “Will doesn't need to be told that this might be something his Mother got and died from...just not yet. Let me find out anything before either one of us tells him.”

After she had left his ready room, Picard tried not to think about what Will might be facing if indeed this turned out to be the same thing that killed his mother. The chime to his door sounded and Jean-Luc glanced at the door.

“Come” he said, turning back to the report on his desk terminal. The door opened and Will walked in, with a data padd in his hands. “Sir, the Stellarcartography Department's report is finished. I thought that you..”he paused, as a coughing fit came on. Jean-Luc was worried and quickly averted his eyes back to the terminal hoping that Will didn't see the concern building in his eyes. “Sorry, Sir. This stupid cough is getting annoying.” Will said, walking over to the desk. He handed the padd to Picard and waited to be dismissed. Jean-Luc motioned for Will to sit and stared reading the report.

After a few moments, Picard glanced up and handed the padd back to Will. “See that Data sends this off to Starfleet. This is very interesting and they will want to send a scientific survey team out to catalog it further. And..how have you been feeling, Will?” Will shrugged and leaned back a bit in the chair. “Alright isn't a word I'd use right now, but I'm doing O.K. The cough is keeping me up a bit and Deanna isn't sleeping too much better. I may have gotten something mild but annoying that Beverly can treat. She's still running a couple of tests, so I'm not too worried at the moment.”

Picard smiled and nodded, knowing damn full well that even Beverly didn't know what was going on and didn't say anything to him. They had both agreed not to mention their suspicion to Will just yet. Picard silently prayed that this was just a minor cough and not something so serious that both Starfleet and Deanna would lose him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly discovers the reason for Will's condition and the severe implications it brings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Aussiefan70 for a brainstorm.....Not knowing ALL of the new medicines and procedures in the 24th Century, I had to have Beverly fall back on some from the 20th and 21st Century....Sorry 'bout that.......

Beverly walked into Sickbay and sighed. Her concern over Will was showing and she racked her brain to see if she forgot anything that would help. Walking into her office, she sat down at the desk and called up Will's medical record. After a moment, it started to scroll his records and she scanned it seeing if there was something there that might help to shed a probable cause for his illness. There were the usual accidents, minor illnesses and the like for someone like Will who chose some of the most challenging holodeck programs.

An hour later, and she still didn't find anything that would help. Scrolling through his physicals, she spotted something that drew her attention almost at once. There! Will had reported to the CMO on the Hood that his mother's family had a history of heart disease and chronic heart failure. Beverly's eyes took on a sad look, knowing that if this truly was the case, then he would be medically discharged from Starfleet or worse he would be taken off starship duty and put on a starbase somewhere. His physicals had ruled out the heart disease, but not heart failure.

She began to correlate the symptoms that he was having with CHF and the outlook wasn't encouraging. He would have to be monitored and she was checking and cross-checking the medicines so that she would be able to give him the ones that wouldn't effect his job performance at first. She decided that angiotensin converting enzyme inhibitors would be the first thing to try. After researching these, she chose to try Lisinopril first to see if that would give him some relief, at least from the overwork that his heart was doing. For the cough, she had a few things she could try but had to make sure that there was no drastic interactions with the Lisinopril.

Writing up orders for more tests on Will, she decided that an angiography might be the next test to run. Sighing, she notified the staff and sent word to Will and Deanna about the test. Deanna was worried and would want to know what she had found. “Crusher to Troi” “Deanna here...what have you found out, Beverly?” came Deanna's reply. “Deanna, come to Sickbay. I'll tell you once you're here.” Beverly said, dreading telling her the news. “On my way, Beverly.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly find out what's wrong and prepares both Will and Deanna for the outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things do get trickier as they go along.....I have spent a lot of time on Memory Alpha, Memory Beta and Wikipedia in general....comments, suggestions, etc are welcomed....a question: How far should I go in putting him close to death but perhaps not dying??? let me know your thoughts!!

Deanna almost ran the corridor to Sickbay, dodging the few crew members that she passed. When Will had first started having his coughing spells, she really didn't think much of it. But if this was the start of something serious or--Goddess forbid—fatal, she didn't know what she would do. Will was her _Imzadi_ and she would go to any lengths to protect him. They had their future to look forward to together, not to have it all dissolve in front of her eyes. The trip to Sickbay seemed to take hours, but she burst through the main doors and went straight to Beverly's office. She took a moment to get her thoughts together and try to look unworried, but Beverly would see right through that.

Beverly looked up when she sensed Deanna was there. Deanna looked like she hadn't slept in a few days. She smiled and motioned to the chair across from her desk. After Deanna sat down, she started to tell her what she may have found. “He's in early to mid stage Congestive Heart Failure. I've got him scheduled for a Angiography the day after tomorrow...after that, I may run a Basilar arterial scan if needed. I wish I had better news to tell you, Deanna.” Deanna sat there, numb with shock. Somehow, she found her voice “Is this what eventually killed his mother, Elisabeth?” Beverly paused and then shook her head “Yes, it did. I'll get him to come down to tell him what I've told you. I'll do my damnedest to help him.”

Deanna nodded and glanced down at her hands, afraid to ask the questions that needed to be asked. Beverly reached out and tapped the comm button on her terminal “Crusher to Riker” A moment's pause and Will's voice was heard “Riker here, Doctor.” Beverly smiled at Deanna “Can you report to Sickbay?” Will paused a moment “On my way....Inform Deanna to meet me there.” “She's already here, Will.” Beverly replied, watching Deanna. “Crusher out”.

Will walked in to Sickbay, pausing at the door when he started to cough. This was FAR from annoying to him now. There had to be a reason for all of this, and he was hoping it wasn't something so drastic that might make him stay in Sickbay for a few days. His thoughts shifted to him mother and her final illness. His father Kyle Riker really didn't explain much to him about it and in a way that was agreeable to him. She had been on so much meds at the end, and really couldn't participate much in his life. He did remember something about her heart not working right and that she might need surgery for it, but that was about all he could remember. Being almost three years old didn't help much either in remembering everything that was happening to her or for him to understand.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly tells Will and Deanna the outcome of what she's found. She tries to prepare them for what may end up happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the internal turmoil is starting to rear it's head....This is the beginning of what I'm hoping will end up either bringing Will and Deanna closer together or driving them very far apart. Suggestions? Comments? let me know what and how this should progress.....

Will walked into Beverly's office and was greeted by a smile from both her and Deanna. Sitting down, he leaned over to Beverly and fixed his gaze on her. Beverly took a deep breath and started to speak “Will, I found out what's causing you to have your cough and I'm afraid it's not good. After going over your tests and reading up on your medical files, all indications are that you're suffering from CHF or Congestive Heart Failure. My guess is that this is also what eventually killed your mother Elisabeth when you were three years old.” The silence from Will was deafening. This isn't what he wanted to hear from her! Congestive Heart Failure? Why this of all things to happen to him and Deanna now? His thoughts were in a turmoil and that started him to thinking about what the implications of such a diagnosis would bring. Starfleet Command would have him removed from the Enterprise and even from Starfleet itself. Deanna silently reached out and took his hand in hers. He could sense her troubled thoughts through their bond somehow and it worried him. They had spent the past few nights talking about the future and even planning their wedding. She had expressed her desire to have his children and he had been excited at that prospect. Now all of that was dashed by what Beverly had said.

Beverly turned towards her terminal and brought up her medical notes “I've got you scheduled for a angiography the day after tomorrow. That should help me determine if there's any type of damage and to get a better picture of your heart. You'll have to stay in Sickbay overnight and if there's nothing seriously wrong, I can release you the next morning.” She paused, scrolling through her notes “I can also put you on some old-fashioned routine medicine to help ease the strain on your heart. It's not much, but at least I can get a handle on this before it gets any worse.” Beverly turned back to Will and Deanna. Deanna glanced at Will, squeezing his hand slightly “What are the symptoms of this, Beverly?” She asked, praying it wasn't as awful as she had heard in Medical School.

Will looked at Beverly, watching as she was trying to explain this to them in layman's terms. “The symptoms are shortness of breath and fatigue, it may stabilize for periods of time but often progresses slowly. I can run a Echocardiography if any of the other tests indicate it. You are also having a slight accumulation of fluid in your lungs, which account for the coughing and the difficulty in sleeping. I haven't seen any indication of fatigue yet, but it will eventually start to show. You'll need to cut down on your workload a bit in order to accommodate this.”

Deanna tried not to show her worry and concern but she knew that Will could sense this with her. “What is the eventual outcome?” she asked, softly. Beverly groaned internally, not wanting to tell them. “The eventual outcome is either Will gets a Parthenogenic implant or his heart simply gives out. I'd rather he get the implant than the latter.” She stated, glancing at each of them. Will stayed silent, trying to understand what she had said. “If it comes to that, I'll take the implant. There's too much at risk here.” He squeezed Deanna's hand a bit firmly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Deanna try to come to terms with the prospect of his illness eventually killing him and shattering their dreams of a future together. Beverly summons Picard to tell him of her findings, which is something he doesn't what to hear himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm....the action is a bit slow, but it's building......Thanks to Aussiefan70 for further suggestions.....I'm open to any and all other suggestions...

Will and Deanna left Sickbay, neither one of them talking. This was too much for them to try to understand all at once. They took the turbolift back to their quarters and Deanna went to sit on the couch, trying not to start crying. Will sat at the desk and read the information that Beverly sent to him about the test and the medications she was going to put him on. All of the symptoms of CHF were daunting to say the least. The fatigue seemed to be the worst of the lot, and that meant Data would have to take on some of his responsibilities for a while. After a long time, Deanna spoke “Why now? We've got so many things to look forward to. I thought we would have the rest of our lives together.”

“We do, Deanna. Beverly will give me the implant and I'll still be here with you.” Will replied, moving over to her. “But what if that doesn't work? Then what? I would still lose you!” Deanna cried, pulling away from Will. “I can't stand the thought of losing you, after everything that we've been through!” She rushed into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Will stood there, confused and trying to figure out how to calm her down. He heard her crying in the bedroom and opened the door. She was curled up in the middle of the bed and utterly distraught.

Will had always hated to see her cry, and this was breaking his heart. All they had wanted was to finally be together and now that seemed to be slipping away. Walking over to the bed, he gently stroked her hair while her crying slowly subsided. He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. They stayed there, each of them holding on to the other .

Beverly sighed and glanced back at Will's record, wishing that her diagnosis was so terribly wrong. Deanna had been telling her about some of their plans and she was so happy for both of them. Then this happened and it was threatening to destroy their happiness. She went back through the drug database to see about the medicines for Will. Checking the diuretics, she cross-checked them against his records making sure to get the best ones for him. Lasix was the one for the excessive fluids, but she had to be careful on the others. She then went with Imdur and also chose Lisinopril. Beverly noted that he would be started out on the lowest dosages, and increased gradually if needed.

She finished up the orders and signaled Captain Picard. “Crusher to Picard. Can you come to Sickbay?” Picard's answer was quick “I'm on my way. I hope it's good news.” Beverly had a sad smile “I wish it was, Crusher out.” Closing her eyes, she started to mentally review the procedures for a transplant and the staff needed in surgery. This was something that as a doctor she dreaded. She would rather be able to cure this without the need for such an invasive procedure, but this was not to be.

Picard strode into her office, and sat down. “What did you find, Beverly?” he asked, seeing the strain in her face. After about an hour and a half of her talking and Jean-Luc sitting there listening to her explanation of Will's condition, she finally stopped and looked directly at him. “All I can do is to run the tests and make sure that the medications will help. I've already started thinking about the implant procedure and slowly getting that ready to implement if needed. The rest will be up to him and how fast or slow this progresses.” He nodded, thinking back to his own implant surgeries. “What can I do to help?” Beverly smiled a slight, sad smile “Ease up his workload...Surely Data can do some of the duties Will has.” Jean-Luc nodded “I'll have Data take over the Engineering inspections for the next few days. That will hopefully help Will.” She nodded, rising to her feet. “Make it so, Jean-Luc.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly performs the test on Will and so the wait begins......Will he need the surgery or is this something simple that medicines can fix?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lousy summary......I usually don't worry about summaries for my stories and this is kinda a hard one to write summaries for anyway. I didn't go into great detail about the procedure, if I did it would sound like a medical lecture not a story. So forgive me if I've glossed over the actual steps involved in such a test....My dad's had so many of these it's kinda hard to describe what really goes on during the test.

The day of the test came rather early for Will and he entered Sickbay to find Beverly waiting for him. He hadn't slept really good, and Deanna had tried to keep a brave face when she left for her office that morning. Beverly smiled and motioned for Will to follow her to the surgical suite where she would perform the test. Stopping at another room, she told Will that he would have to change into a gown for the test and then she would start it. Will nodded and went to change. Beverly waited and once he was changed, led him into the suite. Will laid down on the biobed and tried to relax. “Now, this might hurt a bit. I'm going to make a small incision in your forearm and insert the catheter.” She gave him a bit of a local, and proceeded to make the incision. Will grimaced a little and closed his eyes as Beverly inserted the catheter. Looking up at one of the monitors above the bed, she followed the movement of the tube into Will's heart.

She checked a few other monitors and then glanced down at Will. “How are you feeling?” she asked, smiling a bit. “OK, I guess. I don't really feel anything.” Beverly nodded and touched a panel on the bed. “You shouldn't feel anything just yet. I'm about to inject the dye to check for any damage. You might feel a bit of heat as it's going into your heart, but it won't last too long.” Will smiled and looked up at the ceiling. “I'm in good hands, so there's nothing for me to worry about.” She touched a button and the dye made it's way into his heart. There was a rush of heat but it then subsided. He waited for Beverly to say something, but she stayed quiet studying the images on the monitor over the bed.

After an hour and a half, she smiled and glanced down at him “I'm going to remove the catheter and let you rest here for another two hours while I see just what the images have provided. Deanna should be on her way down here to stay with you. The dye is harmless and your body will process it out through your kidneys.” Will nodded and closed his eyes for a bit. He felt the catheter being slowly removed and the incision site sealed shut. Beverly finished and motioned to Deanna, who was standing at the doorway waiting for permission to come in.

Beverly glanced at Will and smiled, seeing that he had fallen asleep. She nodded at Deanna and walked out of the room as Deanna took her place. Will looked tired and worn out, so she gently took his hand in hers. _I'm here, imzadi. Sleep....._ she whispered in his mind. Deanna was determined to stay there with him and nothing would make her leave. She felt him in her mind, and that was a comfort to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly starts planning Will's long term treatment and start to reflect on her friendship with him. Meanwhile, Jean-Luc also is reflecting on the friendship that he has with Will as well. He lost Jack Crusher years ago and that has never been lost on him. Deanna is starting to come to terms with the fact that she may lose the only one she has ever called _Imzadi_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah the turmoil is rearing it's ugly head again.......Again, I suck on summaries, so forgive me my readers. Still looking for input on how this all turns out for Will....drop me a note with suggestions and I will consider all that are given....

Beverly sat at the desk and started to go through the results of the test. The data that had come back wasn't good. His heart was starting to show signs of overwork and one of the valves was slightly leaking. The valve problem could be taken care of, but the overall condition of his heart wasn't going to be that easy to fix, short of doing the implant surgery. She sighed and re-ran the results again, hoping that there was a mistake somewhere. He would have to have the implant surgery but the timing was another thing to consider. She wanted to see if the medications would work and give him a bit longer before she would be forced to do the surgery. There were a few cases where the surgery was delayed for at least six months to a bit over a year with the proper medications. But even the medications would have to be changed and newer ones to replace those that didn't work. This wasn't going to be something that one could have and walk away from without major life changing results.

The results didn't raise her spirits much. Will had the early stages of cardiomyopathy, which was one of the things that led to his mother's death. All she could do now was to monitor him and have him report to Sickbay every few days so she could check on how fast this was progressing. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes for a few moments. All of her life she had been treating people and hardly ever losing any. But now, she was faced with the very real prospect of losing one who she considered as a very close friend. Will had served with her on the Enterprise D and now E, for over twenty years. They were practically almost family and loved to beat him at his Tuesday night poker games. But eventually that would have to stop as he would become too weak to play. The thought of losing him was too much for her to think about.

Jean-Luc was in his ready room going over the various reports from several departments and trying not to worry about Will. He had lost friends before, but the thought of losing Will wasn't something he wanted to dwell on. He was so much like Jack Crusher and that was one of the things that Jean-Luc had been constantly reminded of. All of the crew considered Will one of the best and it was considered an honor to serve under him. Will had made his job much easier since they had first met at Farpoint Station, close to thirty years ago. He had been hard on Will at the start, but slowly he came to appreciate the way in which Will worked. Will knew what to say and how to say something, anything to a crew member to make them feel like they were important and that they mattered on the Enterprise. Glancing at the Chronometer, he saw that the time for the test had come and gone. Jean-Luc wanted to contact Beverly, but was hesitant to do so, fearing that she wasn't ready to let him know the results just yet. But he was reminded that time may not be on Will's side for much longer.

Deanna sat there by Will's side as he slept in Sickbay, trying not to allow herself to worry. He was in the most capable hands and he also had her by his side. Whatever the future would bring, she knew that she would be there by his side facing it with him. Will stirred and Deanna leaned forward, resting her hand on his arm “Will? Are you OK? Do you need me to get Beverly?” she asked, watching his face. “No...I'm just a bit.....out of breath. Guess I've got some fluid still in my lungs. I'll be OK in a moment.” he answered, trying to stay awake. ”Beverly will want to keep you here in Sickbay overnight. At least we both can get some sleep.” She said, smiling at him. Will chuckled and smiled “Yeah...neither one of us got any sleep last night. Me coughing and you pacing the floor...” He paused and yawned, getting sleepy again. Deanna leaned over and kissed him, a gentle kiss. “I'll go tell Beverly that you're ready for a regular Biobed. Go back to sleep, _Imzadi_. I won't be long, I promise.” Will closed his eyes and was asleep in a few moments. Deanna blinked back tears that were threatening to spill and went to Beverly's office.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will's condition has deteriorated further....Beverly has a talk with Jean-Luc about telling Will and Deanna that this is the turning point in his illness. She is torn about what may happen to both Will and Deanna if he decides or not to have the implant surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summaries do and can suck.....this is one of them that does...(sigh)......Anyway, the tension is getting pretty high and hopefully out stellar couple will make the correct choice here....(I could still have Will die, but have been asked...no **begged** for him to live, thanks Aussiefan70!)
> 
> Comments, suggestions....welcomed!

Several weeks had passed and Will's health was slowly deteriorating. It was all he could do to walk to the head for his morning shower, before having to stop to catch his breath. His heart was working way too hard and Beverly had been struggling to get the proper balance of his medications, but his condition was changing faster than the drugs could keep up. The prospect for the implant was looming more and more.  
Jean-Luc had finally given the order that Will was to either remain in his quarters or stay in Sickbay. Will relented and remained in his quarters, with a heart monitor on him. One of the nurses would check him about every fours hours, Deanna ever close by if he needed her. She tried to make him comfortable, but he snapped at her frequently. Deep down inside she knew that he was frustrated by the way everything was progressing. “Deanna?” he asked, trying to sit up in bed “Deanna?” She came into the bedroom, reaching out for his hand “I'm sorry, I was talking with the Captain.” “Help me to sit up....can't....breathe” he gasped, holding onto her hand. “Take it easy, _Imzadi_......there.....” She eased him into a more comfortable upright position and watched as he took several shallow breaths.

Deanna was worried that one morning she would wake to find him gone and that haunting feeling kept her on edge. She would summon one of the nurses to stay with him while she had her appointments with several crew members, and then rush to get back to their quarters. Each moment she spent away from him was nerve-wracking and that fear of him dying while she wasn't there was on her mind. Beverly was stopping by at least every four hours to check, and the Jean-Luc would also come by at the end of his shift to see about both her and Will.

At the end of about the third week, Beverly had returned to her office after checking Will and found Jean-Luc waiting there. “Beverly.....” he began, but stopped after he saw her face. Beverly shook her head, and sat at her desk “It's progressing even faster than I originally thought it would. I've got the transplant team assembled, ready to go at a moment's notice. I'm not sure even that will help him.” Jean-Luc nodded, not knowing what to say. Beverly continued “Deanna's in such a state of mind at the moment, I'm worried about what effect this is having on her. She won't tell me what's on her mind, perhaps she might open up to you.” “Me?” Picard said, his eyebrows rising “I don't know what to say to her.” Beverly smiled at him “I'm sure that you will. You have a way with people, Jean-Luc.” He sighed, knowing that the matter was settled according to Beverly. A moment passed and he dared to ask the one question that was left hanging in the air “What is Will's prognosis now?” 

She shifted in her chair, wishing she didn't have to answer him. “A week to ten days, if I don't do the procedure soon. I haven't told him or Deanna yet.” Jean-Luc reached out and squeezed her hand. “I'll go with you to tell them. They have a right to know, Beverly.” She nodded, tears forming in her eyes “I know, Jean-Luc. That's the part as a doctor I hate......having to tell people that they are going to die.” “I hate sending people into situations where they may die...it's all part of our jobs.” He replied. She nodded, and rose from her desk. “May as well go check on them and let them know.” Jean-Luc followed her out of Sickbay and towards the turbolift.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deanna is slowly coming to terms with her _Imzadi's_ impending death. She struggles to maintain her composure even while her world is beginning to crumble around her. Somehow she must find a way to hold on until the final outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tension! Tension! Will Deanna finally crack under the pressure of Will's impending death? (Geeze...I feel bad for writing this particular chapter...but she's faced losing loved ones before, but not Will)
> 
> Suggestions......complaints.....let me have 'em.....(I promise, I won't bite or put you in the sequel to this story!)

Deanna watched as one of the nurses came and took the readings off of the monitor and checked the oxygen unit that was near Will's bed. By the expression on the nurse's face, Deanna knew that the illness was getting much worse than she had been told. When he had become so ill, it seemed that she “shut out” all of the other impressions from the rest of the crew. Oh she could still sense them, but she was so focused on Will that they barely registered with her. In time that would be a problem, but Will was running out of time.  
The nurse finished up the readings and he nodded at Deanna. She smiled and the nurse left, presumably to report this to Beverly. Will was asleep, his face pale and looking like wax. Deanna gently blotted his forehead with a cool rag, smiling as she was remembering the other times he had been ill and she had taken care of him. A tear silently fell down her cheek as she sat in the chair by the bed and took his hand in hers. Will stirred a bit, but didn't wake. _“Imzadi...I'm here...I won't leave you. Rest and gather your strength. Remember that we have our future to look forward to.......Please.....don't leave me...Please....”_ She thought, sure that he would hear her through their bond forged so long ago by the Janaran Falls on Betazed. The tears were starting to flow and for a moment she gave into them, letting them silently flow down her face as she struggled to keep a sense of hope for Will alive. Gently kissing his hand, she placed it on his chest and left their bedroom, trying to dry her eyes and get herself together.

She smiled as her eyes fell on his trombone, remembering all the times she had gently teased him about his playing. There were other relics of past vacations they had taken together and a few relics of vacations that he had taken alone. She silently walks over to one of the recessed niches and picks up the Horga'hn that he brought back from a trip to Risa years ago. Deanna smiled at the memory of his returning and showing it to her much to the rather amusing looks of the crew members passing them in the hallways. Replacing it, she turns back towards the bedroom trying to calm herself before Will sees her. “If it has to be, then I pray that it will be swift and painless....” she thought, walking back into the bedroom. The only sound came from the machines and even that was a haunting sound.

Will's face was pale, tinged a slight shade of blue due to the lack of oxygen and his breathing was uneven. Soon Beverly would have to order IV fluids, since it took an enormous amount of energy for him to even drink a half cup of coffee now. Also eating was getting to be a problem and he was losing weight at a good pace. Deanna had even begun to lose some weight herself, trying to take care of him and putting in her required appearance as ship's counselor. She wondered how much more could she take before she herself broke down. Peeking into one of the vast amount of mirrors in the unit, she wiped away the remaining tears and fixed her makeup so she wouldn't look like she had been crying if Will woke. Even that was getting to be a situation in itself. He was sleeping more and more as the illness went on. Beverly's visits were also getting more and more frequent, another rather ominous sign that wasn't comforting to Deanna. That meant that she was running out of options for Will besides doing the implant surgery.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly and Jean-Luc visits Deanna and tells her that Will needs the surgery with in the next thirty hours, if he's to survive. Beverly and Jean-Luc are struggling with their emotions over the possible death of their comrade and friend. Beverly makes the decision to have Will taken to Sickbay for the surgery and has Jean-Luc inform Deanna, who's in the midst of a counseling appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotions are still running high here...will he make it? Writing this was kinda hard, having never before "flesh" out a near death scene, but hopefully I did it pretty good and not have it come out dopey......
> 
> Comments, criticisms, ideas are welcomed and encouraged....just a reminder...I don't bite, nor do I scoff at any and all suggestions....

Beverly and Jean-Luc stepped out of the Turbo lift and walked down the corridor, a few crew members passing them. Beverly stopped just out of the door's sensor range and drew a deep breath.”This won't be easy to tell her. I have to do the surgery within the next thirty hours, if he's to make it.” Jean-Luc nodded and touched her on the arm “I'm here to back you on this. I don't want her or us to lose him. He reminds me of Jack....stubborn, funny, gentle...all those qualities that are rare in people. That's why I chose him out of some fifty or so that wanted the position of First on this ship.” Beverly nodded and smiled a bit “Will was so...patient with Wes, while I was gone.....made sure his homework was done, he was like a a...father to Wes. That I admire of Will.” Jean-Luc nodded and glanced at the door. Beverly squared her shoulders and moved within range of the sensor, allowing it to announce their arrival to Deanna.

Deanna walked over to the door, bracing herself for what they were here to tell her. She glanced back at the bedroom where Will was asleep. Blinking back her tears, she turned towards the door as it swished open, allowing Beverly and Jean-Luc to enter. She smiled and Beverly gave her a quick hug, knowing that this wasa painful visit. Jean-Luc nodded and glanced at the bedroom door “Is he...?” Deanna smiled, holding back the tears “He's asleep. It's getting harder for him to stay awake now. As far as I can tell, he's in no pain.” She turned back towards her friend, who was trying to find the words to tell her of the latest results. “When do you need to do the surgery?” She asked, fighting the urge to pace the floor.

“I need to do it within the next thirty hours, if he's to survive. I have the team ready and implant has been matched to Will's immune system in order to reduce the body's rejection reflex. It's a seven hour surgery, and I'd like to check him myself to see if he's strong enough to get him moved to Sickbay and do the procedure immediately.” Beverly said, trying not to frighten her friend. Deanna nodded and Beverly went into the bedroom to check Will's condition. As she entered, the sound of the machines was the only thing in the room she could hear. _“How deafening this must be for De.....only to hear **THIS** and not his laughter, his soft but powerful voice, his trombone playing....” _ Beverly thought, checking the various readings.

A slight sound came from Will and she glanced down at him, a soft smile forming on her lips. Will took a small but ragged breath and whispered “De? Where is she?” Beverly gently touched his hand on the blanket and tried not to let her own tears spill “She's talking with Jean-Luc, Will. I'll go get her, if you need her.” “No....let her.....stay and talk with him. I wanted to talk a bit with you, to tell you....” Will took another ragged breath, his skin turning even more pale and blue as he tried to breathe. “Be there for her, Bev....you and Jean-Luc.....just be there for her. It's hard for her to see me like this...We had so many dreams.....” Beverly shook her head “You and De will have those dreams, Will. I want to do the surgery, so you two can have the rest of your lives together. Don't give up on her, Will. That would break her heart even worse.”

Will nodded, closing his eyes again and his breathing became soft. Beverly closed her eyes and a few tears slipped past her eyelashes and flowed down her cheeks. She opened her eyes and glanced up to see Jean-Luc quietly watching her and he glanced down at Will. Beverly nodded and left the bedroom, wiping the tears away before Deanna could see that she had been crying. Jean-Luc whispered to Will, who he knew could hear him in his sleep “Beverly will help you, my friend. I promise this to you....I lost Jack, Robert and Rene.....I won't lose you either. I would sell my soul to have you back on the bridge, safe and whole again if I could.” There was a tremor in his whisper, as he tried not to imagine the ship or his life without Will being there. Jean-Luc turned and left the room, the sound of the machines in his ears drowning out the pain in his heart at the thought of losing Will.

Beverly glanced at him as he came out of the room, his emotions showing in his eyes. “Deanna went to her office. She had an appointment with one of the Security teams. I told her I would stay here until she returned.” Beverly nodded and consulted her padd, her hopes being dashed by the readings she took. “I have to do the surgery now....if I wait another three hours, it won't matter anymore.” Jean-Luc nodded as she tapped her combadge “Crusher to Sickbay....Get the team and the surgery suite ready. It's time. Crusher...out.” She nodded at Jean-Luc who gave her a brief but determined smile “Do your best, Beverly.” The door opened and the Medic team came in with a floating gurney to take Will to Sickbay. “Alert Deanna that he's going to surgery, Captain.” With that, she and the team went into the bedroom to move Will for his surgery.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has the necessary surgery to save his life, but the road to his recovery is rocky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm....he's out of surgery, but will he still make it? Only time (and me) can and will tell.......(no pun is intended)
> 
> Comments, suggestions, complaints, etc are welcomed!

Deanna fled her office for Sickbay, hoping that she would make it there before Will was taken into surgery. All of their hopes and dreams rested on the outcome of the transplant and that wasn't to be taken lightly. She scanned the room, and saw that the Beta shift was on early, no doubt to the fact that the bulk of Alpha's nurses were either assisting in the surgery or readying ICU for Will once he came out. The emotions she felt were of hope and that soothed her. Walking towards the entrance to the surgical unit, she saw Beverly giving last-minute instructions for the ICU team. Turning around, Beverly gave her a quick smile and walked into the prep area to scrub for surgery. Deanna then walked back to Beverly's office to start the long process of waiting.

Jean-Luc had returned to the bridge to wait there, not really sure of where he was supposed to be. The thoughts and doubts that plagued him swirled around in his mind, threatening to result in a headache. He wondered if he had pushed Will too far at some point, if he had demanded too much from him. Will was the type who gave his all, and this time he may have given too much. “ _Should I have not demanded that he take on the Engineering situation a few months back? Data could have easily assumed it, that would have lessened the stress on Will..._ ” he thought, leaning back in the command chair. The one thought that kept coming to him was something that he really didn't know the answer for “ _Am **I** the one to blame for this?”_ Of course, he wasn't to blame, but that thought was still unsettling to him. He tried to convey that all was good, that Will would be OK to the rest of the crew. 

Several hours later, Deanna was drinking her third cup of tea when one of the ICU nurses stepped into the doorway of Beverly's office. “Counselor? Dr Crusher asked me to come get you.” Deanna's heart leaped into her throat, and she almost dropped the cup in her hands. She set it down on Beverly's desk and followed the nurse out towards the ICU unit. At the end of the hallway, she saw one of the rooms buzzing with activity. Beverly's voice came from the room as she was overseeing the final preparations for Will's stay. Turning around, Beverly saw Deanna at the doorway and walked to her. “He's still in recovery.....we almost....lost him twice during the procedure. At first the unit wouldn't take to his tissue structure, no matter how much anti-rejection medications we had been giving him preop. But finally it did, only to have him start to hemorrhage from an unknown bleeder. That took an hour to find and repair. He flat-lined once we got him to Recovery and had to restart his artificial heart twice.” She paused, allowing this to sink in then continued.” He extremely weak, and I'm going to keep him in a medically induced coma for another three to four days. That will give his body more time to adjust to the implant.”

Deanna had nodded as she told her, her mind trying to take it all in. Losing Will would be another devastating blow to her, so soon after losing her mother on Betazed. Beverly nodded to a nurse who appeared at the doorway. She reached out and laid her hand on Deanna's arm. “They are going to bring him in....”. Deanna nodded and went back into the hall, as the Recovery nurses floated the stretcher through another doorway. A trail of machines followed them, and Deanna reached out gently with her mind to let him know she was here. She felt a warm presence that was a bit hazy, no doubt due to the anesthetic he was under. But at least he knew that she was here, and always would be no matter what happened.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will's recovery isn't what Beverly, Jean-Luc or Deanna anticipated. His body is rejecting the implant and there is nothing else Beverly can do. Deanna is still drawing on reserves of energy and trying to stay hopeful. But they and the rest of the crew are slowly realizing that this is one fight that Will may not win. Deanna has begun the process of letting go, without realizing or wanting to acknowledge it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toyed around with the idea that he survives, but thought that it might be better (in this story-line anyway) that he succumbs to the illness. I know that a few wanted me NOT to kill him, but it would be better if he did die. (He's still alive and sort of well in future stories I have in my head)
> 
> Tried not to input religion, but I kinda wormed my way around invoking a particular one....
> 
> Comments, suggestions, criticism, angry comments are welcomed....

Days had gone by and still Will was in ICU, far longer than Beverly had anticipated. The implant was still trying to be rejected and that forced Beverly to increase the anti-rejection drug dosage strength to almost maximum levels. Deanna was still by his side trying to stay positive, but it was getting harder each day. Jean-Luc had stopped to see Will, but was told each time that he was just too weak for visitors. He had understood and told Bev to keep him informed. Word had spread throughout the crew, which only deepened the sadness that Deanna felt. She still had her counseling sessions, but they were in an office near ICU so she could stay near him as he recovered.

Beverly was still going over the surgery, trying to see if there was something that had possibly gone wrong. But nothing had surfaced which increased her worry and guilt that Will wasn't getting better. She had even gone so far to contact Katherine Pulaski who told her after reviewing the record of the procedure that she had done it correctly. It was as if Will's body knew that this wouldn't save him. Deanna had told her that she held nothing against her friend, that Will didn't either. “He and I knew the risks, Beverly. There's nothing to feel guilty over. You did your best...now it's up to Will. He's fighting to stay with us, I can fee it.” Beverly nodded, still full of guilt that she couldn't do anything else for him. Deanna hugged her and went back to sit by Will's bedside, hoping that this would be the day he would wake up and everything would by alright again.

Deanna held his hand as she sat there by his bed, trying to convey hope. The monitors made the sounds that she had grown accustomed to in their quarters, and that only made her sadder. By now his body should have accepted the implant, but it had stubbornly refused to do so. She looked up to see one of the many nurses take the readings and check the IV fluid bags that were hanging near the bed. Deanna felt Will's presence in her mind, but it was weak, like his physical body. She tried to project some of her strength to him, but it just wasn't enough to help. The nurse smiled at her and left Deanna alone with him once again. Beverly walked in to see her hang her head and allow a few tears to fall.

“I've done a lot of those lately. There's no shame in crying, De.” Beverly's voice came from the doorway. Deanna looked up, tears still falling. “I've done everything.....it's as if he's giving up.” Deanna blurted out, her eyes filling with the tears she didn't want to shed. “I know. I've only lost one other patient...a fugue case, that I didn't know how to reach. She was so like Will...strong, determined....but in the end I lost her.” Bev answered, walking over and putting a hand on Deanna's shoulder. Deanna smiled a bit and wiped away some of the tears. They silently watched Will as he slept, both praying to whatever entity or God that existed to spare him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will's condition is deteriorating and it's impact on Beverly, Jean-Luc and Deanna is devastating. His body is starting to slowly shut down, but he's too weak for any other procedure that Beverly can do to help him. Jean-Luc has come to start saying goodbye to not only his First Officer, but to his friend. Beverly is concerned that Deanna is close to a break-down. Deanna is starting realize that all Will wants now is for the end of not only his, but the others suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end.......this starts a rather painful part of the story to write, so bear with me....

Beverly stopped by ICU to check on both Will and Deanna. It had been more than three weeks since the surgery and still nothing. His body was fighting the implant, and it was all Beverly could do to keep from sinking into despair. She had all of the latest medical technology at her disposal, but nothing was working. Will should be awake and back to a limited work schedule by now, not still hooked up to the various machines in ICU. He should be hosting the Tuesday night poker games, going over crew evaluations in Ten-Forward with Deanna.....not still in her Sickbay. A nod from one of the nurses got her attention. Deanna was standing just outside Will's room, anxiously watching the nurses and the Beta shift doctor. who was in the room.

Stepping up to the door, Beverly was handed a padd with Will's latest readings. She shook her head and typed in a new round of instructions and medications for him. The readings weren't good as it showed his kidneys were in the process of shutting down, along with an elevated white blood cell count. He had an infection somewhere, which was hard to pin down. Deanna looked like she hadn't slept in about two days, so Beverly finished up the new orders and gave the padd back to the nurse and turned towards her friend. “You are coming with me....don't worry, they know to contact me if Will wakes and asks for you. I'm not going to have both of you in my Sickbay at the same time.” She walked over to Deanna and motioned for her to go ahead of her down the hall.

Deanna merely nodded and with one anxious glance back at the room, walked ahead of Bev towards her office. Beverly shook her head and followed Deanna, intending that she get something to eat and a few hours of sleep. The stress of Will's illness was wreaking havoc on the entire ship, not just Deanna. AS they got closer to Beverly's office, Jean-Luc walked into Sickbay and Bev motioned for him to come into her office. Deanna sank down into one of the chairs and closed her eyes for a moment. She felt Will in her head, but his presence was still weak and growing faint. _“Hang on, Imzadi....”_ She pleaded through the bond. _“Hang on....don't leave us.....don't leave....me.....”_.

Jean-Luc glanced over at Beverly, who sat behind her desk and sighed deeply. Worry and concern were in her eyes as she reached out and tapped a code into her desk interface. “His white blood cell count is elevated, which means that there's an infection somewhere. I've ordered some antibiotics that won't interfere with the anti-rejection drugs, which by the way I've had to put to almost maximum limit. His body is still trying to reject the implant. Also, his kidneys are starting to show signs of shutting down. Acute Renal Failure is one of the end stages of death. I don't think he could stand dialysis in his condition. His brain function is also starting to slow down. All I can do now is to watch and wait.” Beverly finished, watching Deanna closely. Deanna opened her eyes and shook her head “He's still there....weak.....he told me...that....that...he's tired.....and wants to....” She started to shake, tears fell down her cheeks. Jean-Luc nodded and took a deep breath. “I want to see him, Beverly. I may not get another chance to do so. I understand that he's weak, but...” he trailed off as Bev shook her head. “I know, Jean-Luc. Go and see him, I'll stay here with Deanna. She's in no shape to see Will at the moment.” Jean-Luc nodded and gently placed his hand on De's shoulder. “You get some rest......we'll all need you more than you'll ever know.” He turned and left the office, heading to ICU.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will takes a turn for the worst and the others prepare for his death. Jean-Luc and Beverly say goodbye to their friend, remembering back to the time when Jack died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is approaching.....the others have prepared themselves but are they really ready to say goodbye? Hopefully I caught the emotions right in this chapter, it's kinda hard to write about death....

Jean-Luc hesitated at the door to Will's room as two nurses were checking the readings on the machines. One of them adjusted the flow of the IV drip and hung another bag of fluids. Will's condition hadn't improved and he could see the frustration that Beverly was experiencing. Both of the nurses nodded at him as they left the room. The sound of the machines were grating on Picard's nerves, as he thought that Will should have been back on the bridge weeks ago and yet he was still here. Data was doing a pretty good job, but he was no Will Riker. After serving with him for close to twenty-five years on two different ships named Enterprise, Jean-Luc couldn't imagine anyone else being the First Officer. He walked up to Will's bedside and sadly looked at his friend. Will's face was still that deathly shade of pale, and his breathing was still labored. Reaching out to touch his hand, Jean-Luc was startled at how cold Will's hand was. All of this reminded him when his Grand-mere died when he was about twelve, her hand had been so cold to the touch.

A slight sound roused him from his thoughts and he saw Beverly on the other side of the bed, she too was watching Will. “After close to thirty odd years in medicine...this is the part I hate the most, waiting for someone to die.” She glanced at Jean-Luc, a sad expression in her eyes. “You never are prepared for it...no matter what they tell you in Med School. You're trained that you can heal everyone, no one dies. Sometimes I wonder why I stayed.” She sighed, gently wiping a lock of Will's hair off his forehead. “You've stayed because you have a gift of healing. Will understood that there was a chance you couldn't help him. Perhaps his mother felt the same way towards her doctor. I just wished that this didn't have to happen to him. He and Deanna had such dreams...” Jean-Luc trailed off, not wanting to voice the fear that he felt.

Beverly glanced at the readings and shook her head, not liking the readings that were there. “His blood pressure isn't where I'd like it to be, and his kidneys are very close to shutting down. I've run out of medications to try to keep them going. Neural functioning is slowing down even further. It won't be too long before the rest of his body starts to shut down. He's left no directive as to what we could harvest for organ donation, if that's what he would have wanted. His liver enzymes are below normal, white blood cell count is up......I could go on, but I think you get the whole picture.” Jean-Luc shifted his position a bit and nodded, hating the fact that the one duty as a Captain was to conduct a memorial service for a crew member's passing would be forced upon him sooner than he would have liked. Tasha's was hard for the crew and command staff....Will's would be even worse.

“How's Deanna?” he asked, knowing that this would be hell for her. “She's resting....I told her that I would send for her if anything changes.” Beverly told him, moving around to one of the machines. Jean-Luc turned towards her and silently watched her. “How are you holding up, Bev?” She paused, thinking back to all of the poker games, the endless plays and musicals that she had directed with Will in them and smiled a little bit. It wasn't her usual smile, the one filled with warmth but a sad one. “I'm doing OK....It's hard to see Will like this. It reminds me of losing Jack.....” She said, her voice going soft. He nodded, remembering the harsh impact of losing another friend long ago. They fell silent for a few moments and then one of the machines started its shrill beeping, and Beverly glanced over at Jean-Luc. “Got out-of-the-way!” was all she said before a team of nurses swarmed into the room.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end, when it comes is peaceful.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter in this story.....it's been hard to write this, and I know that there are a few that asked me not to kill off Will but I went ahead and allowed him to die but with dignity, not with a violent end.
> 
> This was a story that demanded to be finished, above all of the other ones. And hopefully I have done this story proud. Thanks to those who gave me advice and suggestions along the way.

Will had gone into full arrest.......Jean-Luc stood with his back against the farthest wall, watching the team along with Beverly fight to keep him alive. After an hour, Beverly nodded and the team soon dispersed, Will having been brought back yet again. She turned towards Jean-Luc and shook her head. “I'd better go get Deanna......it won't be long now. There's hardly any neural activity and the machines are keeping him alive now.” Jean-Luc nodded, and she left the room. He slowly walked up to the bed, not wanting to believe that Will was already gone from them. “Well, old friend.....” he paused, not wanting to say what he was feeling “You've fought the good fight, as I expected you to. You've earned your rest....” he whispered, tears burning in his eyes. Beverly touched his arm and drew him back as Deanna moved to Will's bedside.

It was heartbreaking to see her fighting back the tears as she reached out to touch his mind with her own, and finding that spark of their bond was fading. Deanna blinked back the tears as she pleaded once again for him not to leave them again. He glanced at Beverly who was sadly watching her other friend suffer at losing her _Imzadi_. Jean-Luc walked up behind Deanna, who was finally giving into her tears and gently slipped his arm around her shoulders. “Tell him....he can let go....” Deanna nodded and soon the machines started their shrill noise yet again. Beverly walked to the door and dismissed the team who had gathered there, and silently closed the door.

Walking over to the bank of machines, she started to turn them off, one by one and soon they fell silent. Will took a few ragged breaths on his own and then stopped. Beverly ran a medical tricorder over him and shook her head. “Computer.....record the death certificate of Commander William Thomas Riker.....time of death is 0430 hours as of this star-date. Cause of death....cardiac arrest due to implant rejection. No autopsy will be performed. Chief Medical Officer, Beverly Crusher.” Deanna finally gave in to the tears and Jean-Luc led her to the door as Beverly stayed at Will's bedside. The door opened as they approached and a new team was waiting in the corridor. He led Deanna back to Beverly's office and sat her down on the couch.

Moving over to the replicator, he retrieved a cup of Deanna's favorite tea and brought it to her. After watching her take a few sips, Jean-Luc noticed that she had lost a good amount of weight during Will's final illness and made a note to talk to Beverly about that. Beverly entered the office, wiping a few tears off of her cheek. She had stayed to say her own goodbye to Will without Deanna having to witness it. He moved over to Bev's desk and cleared his throat, dreading to announce Will's death to the crew. Jean-Luc contacted the bridge first and told Data the news, his words hollow and flat. Then he made the general announcement to the rest of the crew. A silence came upon the Enterprise, as the crew on the various decks looked at each other in shock upon the news. Down in Ten-Forward, there wasn't a sound made by the ones that were there. One of the servers went and laid a large black cloth on the table that was unofficially Will's, propping the chair up against the material. No one would sit at that table again.....it just wouldn't seem right.

* * *

**Epilogue**

* * *

Will had died the way he had always lived...on his own terms and in his own time. As Jean-Luc said, he had fought the good fight. Will had always given his best to everything and in the end that's just what he did, he gave his all. No one had ever thought that he would die...the fight in him would prevail and he would survive. But that wasn't to be, this time.


End file.
